I realized I haven’t written anything here in four months. So it’s time I updated you folks on what’s going on with me.

First and most importantly I started wearing breast forms. I have a set I bought years ago and I have a set I made out of cotton balls and bandanas. I resisted wearing them for so many years because I didn’t like the look they gave me. I thought they made me look too feminine. Now I love them. I wear them every time I wear something feminine. They are the perfect counterpoint to my close cropped beard and moustache. Nobody will ever confuse me for a natal woman.

So about those homemade breast forms. Now, nothing can replace the feel and look of a good set of breast forms. But sometimes you don’t have the money to get one. I used to put socks in my bras and that sort of worked. But then I hit on the idea of cotton balls and bandanas. They’re very inexpensive and are a great way to give you that look you’re after.

You need two bandanas and a bag of cotton balls. Open the bandanas and put half the cotton balls in each one. Then take opposite corners and tie them. Do the same to the remaining corners. The great thing is they’re pliable. You can get them to fill out your bra exactly the way you want them. And you can even sleep in them like I do sometimes.

I’ve decided I’m really a poet. I want to have something accepted for publication in a poetry magazine by the end of March 2021. I’ve also started putting some poems up on Crossdresser Heaven. My dilemna is this. I’m looking to be published under my real name. If I post my transgender poems people will know I’m transgendered. I’m not out to most people. Do I publish them anyway and out myself or do I do a deathbed “collected works” book and publish them there? Or do I simply let them “disappear” when I die and keep my secret forever?

I’ll tell you, it’s lonely sometimes being an androgyne. It feels like I’m the only one on the site sometimes. And I may be. Fortunately I have some good friends there who accept me for who I am. I won’t name names because I’ll end up forgetting to mention someone and I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But they help me get through it when I start feeling down on myself because I’m different than most. Sometimes I feel like Yukon Cornelius (from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer) was talking about me. “How do you like that? Even among misfits you’re a misfit.” Not that I consider the Transgender community to be misfits mind you. But I’m an androgyne and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash