The best place to start is to read section 3.1 of the Wikipedia page on Transgender (“Other categories”. The part you’re looking for is “non-binary…”. Technically my gender is pangender but I only have one gender: me. Because I feel now the way I did when I was a prepubescent boy, I say I’m a man. I always thought of myself as a boy, so now that I’m an adult boy I’m a man.

Sex (being physically male, female, or intersex) and gender are two different things. When most people are born they’re assigned a sex based on their genitalia. “Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Smith, it’s a…” The normal definitions of gender can be confusing. Here’s how I describe it. Imagine you had been born as a big ball of light without a physical body. Would you be male, female, both, neither, something else? That’s your gender.

Like everything else in life, androgynes aren’t all exactly the same. But I fit the general description of an androgyne. When I was a kid it was just as natural for me to play street football with my friends as it was to play Mother May I with my sister. For years it was almost like I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to do some things because I was a boy, not a girl.

This next part throws me. (I guess that shows that I’m an androgyne?) Section 5.1 of the Wikipedia page on Androgyny (“Bem Sex-Role Inventory”) says that an androgynous person has a high degree of feminine (expressive) and masculine (instrumental) traits. I’ll take their word for it but wouldn’t that mean that most nurses are androgynous? (That’s a different thing than being an androgyne, mind you.) I started teaching myself calculus because it was fun, and it kills me to see people in emotional pain.

I feel most comfortable wearing a mix of men’s and women’s clothes. I choose my underwear for the day the same way I choose my t-shirts. I look in my drawer and whatever says “wear me”, I wear. I give it the exact same thought and my choice is equally as valid.

Photo by Camila Quintero Franco on Unsplash